Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A New Relationship

I got a call from my son, Josh on Sunday afternoon. It made my day! This has been such a year of learning for me....how to let go of my adult children.
There are books & books out there on how to parent young children but no one told me what I was supposed to do once they turned 18, graduated, got jobs & supported themselves, started college, got boyfriends/girlfriends, left home, etc. How am I supposed to be a parent to them? What are my boundaries? How do I fit into their lives?? Boy it's been hard, Hard, HARD!! I finally had to tell each one of them to just be patient with me. I have no idea what I'm doing here because I've never been here before!

During Josh's senior year of high school, I did feel my role switch from mother to coach/advisor. I didn't need to tell him what to do anymore. Somehow he grew from my little boy...my little buddy into a man who didn't need his mom anymore but....I still NEED him!! Josh brings comfort to me. I don't know how it works I just know that when he's around and especially when he's singing, I feel comforted.
The day he pulled out of the driveway and left for Bethel college, I tried so hard not to cry. These were my needs and I, in no way, wanted him to feel anything less than excitement at the new adventure and phase of life awaiting him. Well, I failed big-time. I cried the second he put the first box in the car. I hid in the house and cried. I didn't want him to see me. I tried so hard to stop. I couldn't. I was, however, able to tell him it was time...time for him to go so that we could all move forward. I cried off and on for 3 more days before the tears finally stopped. During those days, I was reminded of the day we dedicated Joshua to the Lord when he was just a baby. Cliff & I promised the Lord we would bring him up in a Godly home. That day I also gave my precious boy back to the Lord because I knew that my human arms could never protect him the ways God's "everlasting arms" could. I also knew that as much as I love him, God loves him so much more.
This past year, I have had to invent a new relationship with my son. He is not in my daily life anymore. I've had to do alot of letting go. Part of that letting go involved not calling him so much and letting him call me.
Joshua sang a song at his voice recital this year. A line from that song says, "I gave you wings, I let you fly." That is where I am with my son. Letting him fly. It's still hard. I still cry a little. But we're both better for it.

1 comment:

Beth said...

I wondered when you would start one! Cool. I love reading blogs- especially of people I know. I also loved that pic of you and mom and dad. One thing I do to try and get more readers is "wordless wednesdays". You sign up at www.5minutesformom.com, and usually, some people will come and read your blog and leave comments.