Thursday, August 6, 2009

Learning to Be A Parent to 20-Somethings (Or Learning to Let Go)

Having two kids in their twenties snuck up on me faster than I ever thought possible!! For the past few days I have been in a very nostalgic frame of mind and Sunday afternoon, I got to missing my older kids something fierce. I know Amy lives at home but she's hardly ever home and I think sometimes what I'm really missing are the days when they were little kids.
Its been a real journey for me, to let go and let them live their own lives. When they are small, as their mom, you do everything for them...my kids were my life for quite a while. I was a mom and I loved it! As they grew older, however, they needed me less and less until the day came when Joshua packed up and left for school. That first year was a difficult one for both of us...him wanting total independence and freedom, me, wanting to still know that I fit somewhere into his life. Somewhere along the lines, I let go. By the time Amy left for school, I was used to having a kid living on his own so I didn't have near the issues with her. But when she moved back home last fall, it threw me for a loop. Once again, it took me several months to finally let go. She was patient, though. And it was the same thing...she, wanting independence and me, wanting to know that I still fit somewhere into her life.
I was thinking today, that when kids are young, we, the parents set the tones and boundaries of the relationship. I love them unconditionally and I set the rules and boundaries. Everything is on the parent's terms. Now its the other way around. Our relationship seems to be on their terms....and its hard but I'm doing it. I have no choice. And I'm trying to put all that extra time and energy into my two I still have at home and my husband. And I have discovered, that there is so much peace when you can finally let go. I know that God loves them far, far greater than I ever could and He'll do a much better job and molding them into the kind of people that He wants them to be than I can.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have I let you go? Just wondering. MOm lol

Rebecca said...

Yes...for the most part :-) I still need you!!!!!!

Paul Sr. said...

Wow! I'm not sure that helped. Soooooooo not looking forward to that day (which is right around the corner - I know, don't remind me) I'm going to drown my sorrow in black coffee

Anonymous said...

I miss them so much too :( Mom

The Horns said...

It's kind of ironic. You teach your children to be strong independant adults and when they are and no longer need you, you have succeeded. Keep in mind, they will always need you. You and Cliff have done an awesome job with your kids. Just wait until they get married. I seem to cry about every day.

Rebecca said...

I imagine this would be a bittersweet time right now for you, Karen. Last one down the aisle!!! You've done an awesome job with yours too!!!